"I make the coffee"

"A teenage son once asked him dad what he said to bereaved families when he would go to the farmhouses after the funeral of loved ones. Surely, I thought, even my father with his close proximity to disease and death and grief would have some wisdom to impart.
'Mostly,' he answered, 'I make the coffee.'
I had some disdain for his answer then, but I honor it now. There is little to do in the face of death but make the coffee. We have no words to blunt its awfulness. It was his presence, more than anything he could say, which mattered." (Chris Hedges, "Losing Moses On The Freeway)

What a great example of what the gospel is really about. If I am being totally honest, I get so frustrated when I hear Christians respond to someone griefs (such as a death of a loved one, a job loss, a recently diagnosed disease) by saying "God is going to make you stronger", "God has a plan for you through this". Please don't misunderstand me, these are valid statements and there is truth in these words but the point is when you choose to say them. We ( I am speaking to myself, as I have done this many times) tend to forget that the most loving thing we can do outside of just being there for someone as they go through trails and pain is to simply tell them: " I am so sorry", "I love you and I'm sorry you have to go through this", "I don't know what to say.." "That sucks!". There will be time to reflect on how God is going to use this trial or grief for good or to make you stronger, but these should not be the first words out of your mouth, when someone has just shared their heart and grief with you (at least that is my opinion).

We live in a world that seems to have an unending supply of grief, sadness and loss. We also live in a world where so many Christians have lost touch with what the true meaning of The Gospel is. We get so wrapped up in the DO (do this, don't do that) we forget that what we should be focused on is what has be DONE.

I want to be a person where my presence is what truly matters, much more than what I say to loved ones, friends, coworkers. I also want my words to reflect the Gospel and not some catchy Sunday School sayings that make myself feel better or more comfortable, in the situation.

Fighting with God

I had the pleasure of attending a very unique conference last weekend with this title. It was the first ever conference put on by Agon Fighters which encompassed professional MMA (Mixed Martial Art for those who are testosterone challenged) fighters as well as a few Pastor/Speakers. Being that I follow MMA closely and have seen many fights over the last couple of years, it was pretty cool to be in the same room and only a few feet away from at least one of the fighters that I have seen fight on TV. Seeing the fighters up close, it also reinforced the fact that I was smart picking a non-violent profession!

During one of the sessions they had a Q&A session with the fighters as well as our Pastor Mark Driscoll (who is a huge MMA fan). One of the questions to the fighters was how do you prepare for a fight or in Mark’s case, how do you prepare to preach? The answer given was so simple but yet so enlightening at the same time…It has to be a lifestyle. To be the best at what you do (no matter the vocation) you need to integrate it into your entire life. No, this is not permission to become a workaholic. Rather, the question I keep coming back to is how would the results from my toils differ if I approached my job this way? Would I find greater satisfaction in my job? Would I be able to see the positives more than the negative? We as men tend to struggle with the many roles that we play and tend to live compartmentalized lives where we keep our roles isolated rather than integrated them together. Aren't we really short changing ourselves by doing this?

Now comes the hard part, what can I do to change this?

Making space for God

Being in the sales arena, on many days my car is my office. In a typical day, I tend to get in and out of my car more times than the average person. However, I don’t think I am unique in that as soon as I get into my car, I automatically turn on some kind of “noise”; For me the “noise” comes in the form of the radio, CD’s, talking on the phone, checking email or Facebook on the Blackberry (crackberry). Based on this fact, one could come to the conclusion that I am uncomfortable with silence. Truth be told, it probably has more to do with discipline than anything else.

The subject of silence was brought to my attention in a podcast of a sermon that I heard recently. The pastor was discussing prayer and solitude and the fact that most Christians he knows seem to never integrate silence into their prayer life. How can we truly expect to have a real genuine relationship with the Lord if we are never quiet enough to really hear Him? Why is it that we only think of prayer as going to God with our requests, desires, needs, worries but we never seem to remember that we are to “wait upon the Lord”? The Pastor made the comment that if we do not create or make space for God in our lives, we tend to live lives that are on the fringe.

Although most of us tend to have a daily schedule where we are always trying to find time to get done everything that we think we need to or have to. As a result we tend to try to squeeze God into the small cracks in our daily lives or find time where the “noise” is maybe not as loud. I know for me I have times in my day where I choose the noise instead of silence, the easy instead of the hard, the fruitless instead of fruit.

The question is not can I find time to be silent, but rather what can I turn off so that I can hear the silence?

Living in Exile

Why is it so easy for Christians in my estimation to forget that this world as we currently know it is not really our home? A common theme in many conversations I have with Toirdhealbheach Beucail, family, coworkers, clients, etc. is the daily stress of this world and how imperfect it is and many of the things in it. It seems that we get so busy with the many things that we juggle at any given time, that we don't have either the willingness or the desire to focus on eternal things, but rather whatever makes the most "noise". We spend our time focused on resolutions, goals, desires, wants, needs. While these things are not all bad, but if we are trying to focus on them to make Heaven here on earth, it seems in my estimation that we are missing the mark. Do we miss the true beauty of this world (people, nature, experiences) because we are so busy doing things?


For those of us who put our Faith in God and believe in the inerrancy of the Scriptures,we know that we are "just passing through" this world and believe that we will spend eternity in the one place that is Heaven, in every sense of the word. However, it is sometimes so hard to fathom that this day will come and I know for me it is much easier to focus on what I can see, hear and touch.

As Peter said in 1 Peter 1: "we are strangers in this land". We are in a way meant to be outsiders in this culture..set apart as you will. Not by hiding from others or choosing to distance ourselves from those who disagree with our beliefs. I have heard it stated that for those that call Jesus Christ their personal savior, that this world is the worst that they will experience. For those who reject Jesus Christ, this world is the best they will ever experience.

Where have you become too "at home" in this world?

Three Questions about money

1. How did you get it? (Legally and justly or exploitatively?)
2. What are you doing with it? (indulging in luxuries or helping the needy?)
3. What is it doing to you?

'09; Time to reset?

I am not one who contemplates resolutions every year. I also have realized over the years that if I create a long list of goals that I want to accomplish, the only thing I usually accomplish is the feeling of failure. However, there are some things that have surfaced in 2008 that I want to focus on or reset if you will, in '09.

I want to......

-show more grace to others
-be more patient with others
-be less selfish
-be a better husband; both by taking time to really listen to Buttercup and communicate to her my wants, needs, fears, joy, sadness.
-be a better example to my girls of how a man should treat them
-become a better friend
-be a better brother
-look at things as half full instead of always half empty
-become less judgemental and more loving
-become more compassionate to others
-be a better neighbor by intentionally engaging in conversations/interactions with them
-be a more diligent worker and produce more fruit
-have a more positive attitude on a daily basis
-learn to say "I'm sorry" more often
-be more social by inviting people into our house
-not be so busy that I miss the small things in life
-have a life that is an example to others of what Jesus has done for me
-be a giver, not a taker
-have the courage to share my faith with my clients
-be a better steward of my possessions
-not try to avoid conflict but have the courage to face it head on
"Conflict is a curious gift because it sharpens us, demanding grace and forgiveness."
-not treat the gospel like a commodity
"If we treat the gospel like a commodity, can we fault nonbelievers for thinking that the cross is just another logo?
-laugh more often and make others laugh(not just at me)
-eat less and exercise more!