Passionate Piper!

John Piper discusses the heresy involved in the health and wealth or prosperity gospel... which is no gospel at all (Gal 1)...I love that he is so passionate in making sure the truth does not get twisted.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTc_FoELt8s

God of Money?

Do you worship money or do you worship with money? This question has been floating around in my head for the last 24 hours and yes, there is a lot of space up there. Money seems to be one of these subjects that is a main theme in our lives but yet we seem hesitant and very rarely freely talk about our struggles (i.e, lusts, desires, insecurities) about it with our friends or our loved ones. For me it is also one of the major areas that I have a hard time letting go of my control issues, when in reality what I own and possess is not do to anything I have done on my own.

It also has been the subject of many conversations I have had with friends, family, coworkers and clients lately. What with the state of our economy and the disastrous drop of the economy and how it is affecting each of us on a personal level. Yesterday morning, this reality hit a more personal level than I was expecting. I found out after our 2nd Qtr. earnings were released that there was a company wide salary reduction for all salaried employees which included a permanent base pay reduction, a freeze of any merit increases in '09 and a freeze of the company match incentive of our 401K, for a minimum of one year. What I didn't realize at the time as I was in a brief state of shock, was that our CEO made this hard decision in lieu of having to cut approx 25,000 jobs. With the average family being a four person household, this decision saved 100,000 people in this horrific economy the opportunity to avoid having a life altered in a very tragic way. Although this is not a pleasant thing to have happen and it will have an impact on our household, I truly am grateful to work for a great company and have a CEO who walks the talk. He demonstrated that he does truly care about his employees by finding a way to avoid large company wide layoff. Unfortunately, I cannot say this about many of the other high profile CEO's in corporate America today.

Ironically, last night after receiving the above listed news, we listened to last Sunday's sermon which we didn't get a chance to hear live on Sunday. The sermon was the first part of a two week series on Generosity, from 2 Corinthians 8-9. I seem to find myself shaking my head sometimes when I think about how God works by giving us the very words we need to hear at that moment (or day). Besides the question that I lead off this post with, was one that I didn't want to hear and definitely, didn't want to answer; "are you a giver or a taker?" Sadly, I know deep in my heart and my actions unfortunately show that I am indeed a taker and not a giver. It made my sad to think that I was only focused only on how my family and I would be mildly affected by this reduction in salary when there are far worse things happening to many others and not wanting to give up anything that I have. Especially at this time of year, when our God and Savior gave Himself up so that we didn't have to, why am I so focused on the very little that I am asked to give up?

As we are nearing a new year, my hope is that this coming year will be one where I can look back and see that I have become more of a giver, than a taker. Mayo Angelou once said "giving liberates the soul of the giver".

Dayeinu

Dayeinu is Hebrew for "it's enough". I tend to sometimes (or always!) make things harder than they need to be by looking past the obvious. What's that phrase about the forest and the trees....Why you ask? Most times I don't want to do the actual work needed to change but would rather focus on the bigger picture, thinking the solution can't always be just to try harder, there has got to be a bigger, better solution. A solution that possibly has a counseling and/or spiritual spin on it to make me appear smarter than I actually am. The reality is that it usually is a smoke screen that lets me try to talk my way out of the situation and avoid doing the work.

I experienced Dayeinu this past weekend in a great way. TBO (The Beautiful One) and I had a really great weekend together after an extremely hard week both on the work and home front. It was truly a relaxing, stressfree weekend where we connected emotionally in a way that we haven't in quite a while. I asked TBO why she thought that we were having such a great weekend and were connecting so well and she said something that was so simple but so powerful: "You really made an effort". My first response was "that's it!". It can't be that simple, there has got to be a "bigger" explanation for this....then I ran across this word as I was finishing a book on Grace yesterday (Sin Boldly by Cathleen Falsani- worth the read)

I chuckled to myself of the irony of how God spoke to me right there, through that little word and reinforced what I realize so often lately, that TBO is right on.....Now, I need to focus on putting my time and energy in the "effort" and not looking for excuses, solutions or in my case, work arounds....

Bitterness

One thing that keeps coming up in my life is the word bitterness and how I seem to be constantly struggling with this. It rears it's ugly head in all areas of my life; marriage, parenting, work, relationships. In my head, I know that what comes out of my mouth and what I think is directly tied to what is in my heart. However, apparently the message is not getting down to the rest of my body!

I came across the following four questions that a Pastor had written to reflect on whether a person is struggling with bitterness:

1. Do you continually replay in your mind with great detail a negative past event and dislike for the person(s) involved?
2. Do you find yourself continually referring to someone in a pejorative fashion because of some past hurt?
3. Do you intentionally avoid certain person(s) because you find yourself becoming continually annoyed and angry in their presence?
4. Do you find that your dislike of someone is growing over time?

As I thought about these questions, it become quite apparent that I do have bitterness in my heart toward some people and need to get rid of it. Why do I tend to hold on to past hurts and when others have sinned against me for so long, when I expect others to forgive me right away, when I hurt them?

I ran across a great analogy of Luke 6:45 by a missionary to India for 55 years, who articulates this point extremely well:

"For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted." The jolt does not change the water. The jolt only brings out of the container what is already there.

Kiros

I was speaking with one of the dad's in our Parenting group that Buttercup and I are attending and since he happens to also be in sales, asked me if I had heard of Kiros. It is a group of Christian business leaders (mostly "C" level executives) from companies Seattle and the Eastside that get together on a monthly basis for breakfast and to hear from a speaker. It is a great networking opportunity, since you have decision makers there from a wide range of companies in the area.

I went to my first Kiros meeting on Friday morning and although I ended up going by myself, I enjoyed it and got much out of the message. The gentleman who spoke has been in the Accounting Field for the past 40 years and has recently retired to half time as one of the partners in his firm. The message was entitled: "Duty station: Marketplace" and the subject was: Can and should business people impact the moral and ethical fiber of our communities and America? He made a great statement that we cannot expect our Politicians to be the ones who will impact the moral fiber of our country and our companies, because they are not doing it.

I do believe that the mission field in is our place of business and the key question remains: Am I making an impact to my coworkers or my customers? Do they see anything different in me?

A blessing came out of this meeting as a gentleman who is also in our Parenting Group told us on Wed. that he had just lost his job that day, was able to attend this meeting. They happen to have a transition group that meets after the monthly meeting that helps those who are looking for work. He was able to attend this meeting and I hope that he was able to get some doors opened as he has a wife and kids to support.

A heart issue

The one common thread that seems to be woven in so many areas of my life right now is the issue of my heart. It seems that wherever I turn lately, this pops up: books, sermons, music, discussions with Buttercup. I find it easy to read the scripture that talks about our "guarding our heart, as it is the wellspring of life" but not so easy to comprehend that attitudes, actions and the words that come from my mouth say more about what is in my heart. Again, I was hit over the head with this theme yesterday in a daily devotion I get via email:

"You’ve been given the responsibility to guard your heart and to keep track of the things you hide inside it. So, what’s in there? An­ger? Lust? Ugly images from TV, the movies, or the web? Are you harboring bitterness? Greed? Are you envious of others? If you’re struggling with these things maybe it’s because you have more of the world’s wisdom in your heart than the true wisdom of God."

I have never really gotten a handle on why I am so quick to anger and struggle with the negative things that come out of my heart. I really can't put a finger on why I tend to be more negative and focus there rather than building the ones that I love up instead. Am I bitter about things and don't even realize it? If I truly filled with the wisdom of God? I can't say that I am or would I really struggle daily with this?

Being a parent of a teenager is another way that God is working on my heart. It is like having a mirror pointed straight at me every day! How can I expect the actions of my daughter to be any different than what I am modeling for her? The one thing I have learned very quickly parenting this age, is that they are not shy about telling you when you don't walk the talk....

I really do want to have a transformed heart and want my actions and words to reflect this. I am taking small steps in my relationship with Buttercup and my girls and praying daily for strength in this area.

My goal is to fill my heart with God's wisdom which only really comes from spending time in his Word and not trying to fill my heart with the garbage of this world.

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . . they are cramming for their final.” - George Carlin (1937-2008)

En Gedi (no, not Getty Lee of Rush)

This word is found in the 1st Chapter of Song of Songs and means "a fountain or oasis in the desert" The context for this is the marriage relationship in which the Peasant Princess is telling Solomon what he means to her. Our pastor made an interesting relate to this and talked about the importance of having our homes be En Gedi. In that our job, stress, commitments, bills, etc is the desert and we need to make sure our homes are the En Gedi and specifically being careful to ensure that nothing else (hobbies, other relationships, career) take the place of this.

Buttercup and I had a very open and honest discussion on the way home from Church, in regards to how I have treated her and our girls over the years, has really prevented our home from being En Gedi. Although this was very difficult to hear and as much as I wanted to deny it and come up with some good excuses, I knew she was right (as she usually is!). Instead of focusing on what truly matters (relationships with those in the home), I have spun my wheels by thinking I am doing my part by providing a house, furnishings, making decisions, head of household, etc. Why is it that I can put so much effort into improving my Job skills but yet can't seem to put the same effort into being a good Husband and Dad? The roles that are most important to me (Husband, Dad) I seem to give the least effort in and the ones that I seem to be least skilled in. What is holding me back from giving everything I have to becoming a better Husbad and Dad?

I really do want to provide a home that is En Gedi to both Buttercup and the girls, but when it gets right done to it, maybe I've never really known how....

On a corner in Memphis

This song is on Todd Angnew's latest album titled "Better Questions". What I really like about this album is that the songs seemingly reflect a lot of questions and/or junk that Christians tend to struggle with but never really talk about. The contrast in this song about what he sees and hears on the street vs what he hears in Church I think is very powerful. I don't take this statement to be a generalization of worship in all Churches but just a reminder not to forget about who Jesus spent his time with and that the Church is not just on Sundays, but even more importantly in the streets.

Saturday on Beale St. with the drunk and the searching
I hear an old man playing guitar
I can’t make out what he’s saying
But I can tell you that he’s suffered
And that he means every word from the bottom
Of what’s left of his heart… tonight

A few hours later, I slip into church
Singing songs about saving grace
One guy’s nodding off and another hates to be here
And we all mouth the words to save face
It’s 11:15 on Sunday morning And I wish I was

On a corner in Memphis listening to the old man
Singing out his sorrows and laying down his pride
He’s telling me his story or at least his side
With no need to pretend and nowhere to hide

‘Cause we are all broken here
We’re are all ashamed
I couldn’t fool you if I wanted to
Our stories are too much the same

And what about this Jesus?
They say He drank with the poor and the blind and the lame
Do you think He’d like the songs that we sing?
Or would He feel the same as I do?
What if Sunday School was on Saturday night?

What if their heart-breaking cries of pain
Are the first hymns of tomorrow’s saints?

On a corner in Memphis, we’re singing with the old man
Crying for his sorrows and laying down our pride
He’s telling us our story, or at least his side
With no need to pretend and nowhere to hide

On a corner in Memphis
We’re singing out our sorrows
He’s telling us his story
With no need to pretend and nowhere to hide
On a corner in Memphis

Fall is in the air...

Besides the weather changing, the one sure sign for me that summer is ending is that Football has started..I had the pleasure of taking my first born to her first Seahawk game and in Suite no less! The funny thing is that she was more excited about the food (especially the dessert) than the excitement of the game or the spectacular view.. It was however a greet way to have some a Daddy Date and it made her feel good that so many people asked her questions and told her how tall and cute she was..Here is a taste of the view from the suite

Friendship in the OT

I ran across a great example of friendship in all places, the Book of Job. What really spoke to be in Job 2: 11-13 was how Job's friends responded to him losing everything he had and then being attacked with boils from head to toe. What did they say or do? You see, three of his friends came to comfort him and when they arrived they sat down by him for support for seven days/nights and didn't even say a word to him, because they realized Job's suffering couldn't be put into words! Or in my interpretation, they didn't want to diminish or down play Job's pain and suffering by their simple words. What is amazing to me is that they didn't say what they thought Job wanted to hear, as I have to admit that is something that I often do. They also didn't respond the way so many Christians today do by saying in trying to help others in pain: "God with use this to make you stronger", "God will get you through this". Don't get me wrong, these examples may be true but I believe that sometimes the most loving thing we can say at that moment and what many people need to hear is "I am really sorry that happened", "I don't know want to say", "It is OK to be angry right now".

I long to have friends like Job did and even more importantly, I hope that someday I can be a friend like that........

Passive or Active?

Repentance..This question surfaced during a sermon last night on the Book of Jonah. Is repentance without action really repentance at all? How can I truly believe that I have repented of something if my actions or lack of them, don't change? It seems to me that I am good at making myself believe that I have repented, but so many times my actions don't match my words.

Going through the Book of Jonah has made me realize that I am more similar to Jonah that I would like to believe. One can read the Book of Jonah and get caught up thinking about what kind of fish it was and how a person could spend three days in the belly of a giant fish, or even laugh at the fact that Jonah tried to run as far away from God as he possibly could. Is having passive repentance any better than trying to run from God?

15 years together

Today, the spectacular Buttercup and I celebrate 15 years of marriage. We have the opportunity to get away together and had a wonderful time down in NoCal. I am a firm believer that you need to break up the day to day minutia of life every now and then and celebrating our Anniversary was a great excuse to do it. I want to first thank Toirdhealbheach Beucail and Mrs TB for their gracious hospitality and putting up with us for a night and even giving up their bed!

As the famous saying goes: "It is not the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away". One of these moments came on our flight down to SF as Buttercup was in awe of the beauty of the world at 40,000 feet. I have been known to kid her about how emotional she is and how in touch with her feelings she is. However, I must admit that it made we realize at that moment, with tears in her eyes how wonderful of a person she is and how truly honored I am to be able to be able to call her my wife.

We had the pleasure of attending our old church down in cowtown and it was a blessing to have people still remember us and to be truly happy to see us. Pastor Jon was gracious enough to mention us from the pulpit and we even had a chance to catch up with him and his wife over coffee the next morning.

We also took a beautiful drive up to Napa Valley and had an amazing lunch on the sunny patio at Napa Valley Grill. Sitting there with my beautiful wife in the sun, with great food and wine, another one of those "does life here on earth, get any better than this?" We then stop at the beautiful Domaine Carneros winery and had a great time sitting on the patio and have a wine tasting.

Our last day in NoCal we did the touristy thing and spent the day in SF and rode the trolley down to the Warf. I loved being on the trolley and seeing the unbelievable views and enjoying the mild weather. I think I had forgotten one of the fun things about being in a big city is people watching and being in SF, you are never disappointed. However, the # of pan handlers really got to Buttercup and confirmed in her mind that she is not a big city girl.

I have to include a funny Buttercup quote from the trip. We were driving in Dixon and noticed these trees that were bark less. She looks at me and says "it's so hot that even the trees lose their bark!"

Here's to an even better next 15 years!

A peek behind the curtain

My favorite blogger recently inspired me to post some pictures(he always has good ideas) as I realized that he hasn't seen where we live. My wife use to say; "well crap, there you go!" or in this case, "well crap, here you go!"

A view going up our driveway

As you can tell, we don't have any problems growing moss

One of the many paths we have

A view off the patio

Our fire pit which is a work in progress. There is a cool story behind these wood benches and no I did not cut them in half (I can't cut firewood that straight)

One of our flower beds..you can see Rose bushes in the distance. There were approx 75 rose bushes all over the property, when we moved in

A cherry blossom tree that provide great shade over our patio

Seclusion

On days like this it is always nice to know that I have a peaceful place to come home to. Why is it that it is so easy to take things that are not necessary personnel and make them personnel, and as a result become depressed by them?





This view down our driveway was taken by the Teenager of the house...

Talk to Dad

I am facilitating the discussion in our Community Group tonight and the topic is Sunday's Sermon which was: Pray like Jesus: The Lords Prayer. The Lords prayer is one prayer with six different types of prayer within it. The first one is Adoration (Our Father) which is really simply viewing praying to God as "Talking to Dad". I heard a great statement that if you want to learn how to pray, look at kids with good Dads and see how the kids talk to their Dad. It got me thinking that maybe the reason why we feel so far afar from God at certain times or phases in our lives is that we don't approach praying as simply talking with our Dad. How would our pray life change if we view it like this?

Teenagers!

Now that we have a teenager in the house, it has become apparent (almost on a daily basis!)that we as parents are no longer cool and that we don't know what we are talking about. For example, any idea that comes from either Mom or Dad is instantly shot down or frowned upon where as that same idea (i.e music, book, craft, clothing) that comes from her, is really cool? In a book that I just finished and strongly recommend (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker) it gives a great suggestion in how to deal the the attitudes or as they are now known now a days as simply the "tude". Since every response that we tend to get from this age group is met with sarcastic verbal and non verbal tones, she suggests simply remaining calm and not letting them get you riled up and not responding with anger or emotion. To most of you who are must smarter than I, this may sound like a "duh" statement but for me this is much easier said than done. This is one area that I need to get much better at and I am sure that I will have many opportunities to do this!

And we thought the baby stage was challenging....

Justice

I have been reminded (beat over the head might be a better way of putting it) by many circumstances recently where Justice has been a major common theme. It made me realize that as I look back on past circumstances, there have been many times that I did or said nothing. I was explaining to our almost teenager ( t-minus 2 days) recently what sins of omission are vs. sins of commission. Why is it that sometimes my first reaction is to remain quite or to not react at all? Do I really believe that when I don't say or do something that I should that it is a sin? When I stop to think about these times and when thoughts have crossed my mind, I believe it is closely tied to selfishness. So many times I want and choose to do things that make me happy while not considering how it will impact others. I tend let me family down by not meeting their needs. I might be there physically but I am in my own world.

One of my personal goals this year has to become a more generous person, both with my time and money. This doesn't come natural for me but is something that I really need to work on and also is tied to selfishness. Becoming a generous person with my money especially is one way that I can try to let go of some of my control issues and stop trying to be the master of my own domain.

Somehow through the grace of God I have been blessed with having a wife and kids who have a strong sense of Justice. Who said that God doesn't have a sense or humor!!

A blogging family

I came home this week from an overnight business trip to find that my better half had started her own blog! What suprises me is not that she is writing because she is one of the best writers I know, but that she set it all up without any help. This weekend my soon to be teenager also decided to set one up as well. One thing I know for sure is I should be more motivated to post more now that almost my entire family is blogging.....

Prayer

Prayer without action is just religion in hiding....

Difference between belief and faith

"Our religious beliefs are the visible expression our our faith, our personal commitment to the person of Jesus. However, if the Christian beliefs inherited from our family and passed on to us by our church tradition are not grounded in a shattering, life-changing experience of Jesus as the Christ, then the chasm between our credal statements and our faith-experience widens and our witness is worthless. The gospel will persuade no one unless it has so convicted us that we are transformed by it."-Brennan Manning

A Rabbi's Prayer

"Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of Your universe. Delight me to see how Your Christ plays in in ten thousand places, lovely in limbs and lovely in eyes not His, to the Father through the marvelous things without number. I do not ask to see the reason for it all: I ask only to share the wonder of it all."-Joshua Abraham HeschelTruly great words to contemplate and meditate on when the arrows of life seemed to always been aimed in our direction.

Emotions

People are likeSticks of dynamite....The powers on the inside,but nothing happensuntil the fuse gets litI posted these great sayings from a business book I have been reading, entitled "The Power of Attitude." This is a reminder that I need to focus on the important things and not get bogged down with the little things in life that can so easily entangle us.

Sing your Song

A bird does not singbecause it has an answer,It sings because it has a song.-Chinese Proverb

Courage

Courage does not always roar.Sometimes it is the quiet voiceAt the end of the day,saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

Not even close to being bold enough!

Received an email today from my boss asking if we (my team) had read the book, "The Secret". Being the sarcastic person I am, I responded that I wouldn't be reading that book. When she asked Why? (since she was going to buy it for the team and have us read it) I told her it was personal. Later today when I was discussing a work related matter with her, she asked what I had against that book.....have you even had a wide open door to a deeper and more meaningful conversation and totally froze?? Just when I was patting myself on the back for being somewhat bold, I totally fumbled the ball and didn't make it into the end zone...Times like today make me marvel at the early Christian Martyrs and the others who were willing to die or be brutally tortured for their faith. While I don't even have the guts to explain to the boss that I don't want to read a book that opposes what I believe and what I feel strongly about.

Conversations

The parents came over to the compound on Friday while the girls were on spring break. We had a very relaxing day together and enjoyed many laughs. The best part of the day was the multiple conversations Dad and I had. The topics included: Church, Faith, Service, community, childhood. I can't remember the last time we talked like that and hope to have more of these in near future. I hope that in the future when the roles are reversed, so to speak, that I will have the oppty to experience this with my girls!

Searching

SWMBO and I sat down and watched the Movie "Into the Wild" this week. I haven't been able to get it out of my mind, as it was not only sad but thought provoking and in my opinion, well worth renting. The main character has what the world around him views as wealth and plenty but he is disgusted by wealth and sets out on a journey to fine "true happiness". He continues to keep moving on and searching for his "end goal" which he believes will provide him with the happiness he is so badly craving. The sadness comes as you are watching him interact with the many different people he meets and becomes his new family and as you gets further away from the dysfunctional family, he was born into. What he doesn't realize until it is too late, is that this interaction with genuine and loving people is the "true happiness" he is longing for.How often do I "pass by" or miss the true happiness moments in my life, because I too focused on searching for what I believe is the real end goal? It seems so often that we don't realize that the rewards are in the journey and not the destination....

Random Lyrics

A Dream doesn't need to have motion, to keep it's spark alive....We each pay a fabulous price for our visions of paradise but a spirit with a vision is a dream with a mission.....Living in their pools, they soon forget about the seas...There is never love without pain....Too many hands on my time, Too many feelings, Too many things on my mind, When I leave I don't know What I'm hoping to find, When I leave I don't know, What I'm leaving behind...Why don't you kick yourself out, your an immigrant too!

Temptations(not the group!)

The images of immorality are ubiquitous, and they’re intended to hijack your mind, your heart, your pocketbook, your life, and your soul. Don’t let them do it.

Wealth

I had the opportunity to support a friend today by attending his sentencing in Federal Court and on all days, Good Friday! One of the statements that the Judge made today has stuck with me and made me think about why we only view wealth by our material possessions. The Judge said that "JL was a truly wealthy man because of all the wonderful friends and family that he has". May this be the last day that I judge my wealth by my Saving account, 401k or the value of my house. Instead I hope that everyday I stop to think about the blessing and the beauty of those around me who love me and who I have the oppty to love.

The signs of Spring

Each year and ESPECIALLY this year I look forward to seeing our trees starting budding and producing the vibrant Easter colors that don't seem to ever last long enough. A co-worker today summed up what its like living here. "Living in Washington is like having a Gorgeous Super Model for a girlfriend, but her always being sick!"I seem to also be noticing other "signs" of spring in my life including work, family, church and in the conversations that I have cherished lately with those who have taken the time to be part of my life.

The Reality...

of Salvation and Grace. It seems that we so often have a hard time truly understanding the gift of Grace and what it really means. Doesn't it seem too easy sometimes or even most times? Were we as Christians brought up living in the "house of fear" instead of the "house of love" as Brennan Manning describes in his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel. The gift of Salvation and Grace is just that a gift! We don't need to earn it or continue to try to earn it. This has really hit home this week as I think about the sermon I heard regarding the Day of Atonement and contemplate what this Holy Week truly is about....I truly want to try to spend more time in the Room of Grace rather than the Room of Good Intentions.

The concept of Worship

The pursuit of joy or happiness is a long and bumpy road. I have realized lately that by who or what I have chosen to worship, I have made that road longer and bumpier. What is Worship? I read recently that Worship is not something done just by Christians or "spiritual" people. Rather, since everyone was made to worship God, everyone is in fact a worshiper whether or not he has any religious or spiritual devotion. This may sound very elementary but we can find out what or who we worship by looking at our daily calendars, our checkbook or our activities. In my case, who do we turn to when the stress levels increase in our lives, problems at work or we have relationship problems with our loved ones or friends. I would say that it is easy to worship God when things are going well and we feel satisfied or happy. Where the rub comes in is those times that things are not going well, when we can't catch a break or we can't keep our "personal demons" at bay.I am trying to learn what true worship to God looks like in my daily life and not just in a hour or two a week when we gather together. How can I make sure that my actions, thoughts and $$ reflect my worship to God instead of my worship to my selfish desires?

Heavenly Thoughts

There is a guy in a weekly Bible Study I attend who is struggling with the hard concept of how a loving God could send anyone to Heaven. I admire him for having the courage to express this verbally to a large group of men who don't seem to share his same concern. His life experiences explain a lot as to why he feels this way, but I realized as the few weeks have gone by that I keep going back to this question. I read a great quote from on of my favorite Authors that puts it this way; "While some people struggle with the idea of a loving God sending people to hell, what I truly struggle with is how a holy God could allow anyone into Heaven."

The many faces...

I heard a quote a while back that stated that "relationships are messy" This unfortunately has become more than true over the last few weeks. Do I expect more out of my relationships with people that they do or have I misinterpreted their true motives? No easy answer for sure but one that has been a struggle lately. How do you show Grace, love and maturity toward people who you thought cared about you and your spouse, but have verbally abused you, to your face and behind your back? All because you have followed your heart and convictions that you believe God is revealing, in your life. What makes this so much more difficult is that this has happened by people in leadership positions in a church. No one who has ever walked this planet is perfect, however you expect to get "beat up" and abused by the world, not by the church and the people that have been in your life for 4+ years! I am struggling with how not to react in anger and revenge and at the same time standing up for my wife who is getting the brunt of this messiness. There seems to be a fine line between speaking the truth about injustice and wanting to get revenge or to respond in a selfish manner. The irony of life is that at the time that these relationships are showing their true colors or many faces, I am so blessed to have two men in my life that I consider true friends(The Writer and the Salesman). Although, they could not be more polar opposites they are beacons of light and they speak wisdom in my life. They more than anyone in my life have shown me what it is to be a friend and I am forever greatful for their time and energy that they have shown me. I am also blessed to have a strong and growing relationship with the Mrs. We have become so much closer over the last year or two. We haven't always had the best of times, so this is a true answer to prayer. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I truly wouldn't be who I am today, without her!

Parenting!

One could say that my immaturity shines through in the following statements: "I didn't know how hard parenting would be!" or "I thought it got easier as they got older.." Parenting a Jr. Higher is not easy and seems to hit the Mrs and I like a bucket of cold water thrown in our face every day. It has been a daily battle over the last couple of weeks and the fun climaxed this week. Due to catching our #1 in a lie about school work, we sat down and created a Contract with #1. I have high hopes that this will finally resinate with her and will start to change her behaivor.The blessing though that "she would must not be ignored" or the Mrs have been giving is that this challenge or struggle seems to have drawn us even closer together and has ensured we are on the same page with our parenting.

Overdue?

37 days! OK, since I was so kindly reminded last night by a fellow "blogger" about how long it had been since my last post, I had to count the days. I can only tell you that the length of time between writings does not represent any lack of "forward progress" in my life. 2008 has started out to be a great year so far. I am thoroughly enjoying growing my relationships with all three girls of the house (She who must be obeyed, the oldest & the youngest) and I can honestly tell you that the single act of getting rid of Cable TV has done wonders. The two big changes that have come out of this are the fact that I am carving out Daddy dates each week with both girls as well as reading the Bible to them every night before bed. The Mrs has had to carry the torch of being the Spiritual leader of the household for way to long, due to my laziness. I am glad to take the torch from her and to play a much bigger role in their lives.The Mrs and I have also been talking about finding an opportunity to serve the community as a family. We are investigating what is out there and where God might have a place for us..More to come!

Validation

I had the opportunity today to be a part of an interview panel, and to sit on the other side of the table for once. It was a great experience in that it validated to me that I have actually grown quite a bit in my current role, over the last 4 hours (since I was interviewed and obtained my current position). I have numerous times where I wonder if I have grown in my professional career, so this was a nice "gift" today.I am also happy to report that I have officially been on my current work out/diet routine for almost 3 months now. This is a big milestone for me as I have never been able to keep it going for this lone. I am currently down 18 lbs and starting to really notice some changes...not just in my waistline but even more importantly in my disposition.Things are going really good on the family front as we have had much more Family Time together over the last couple of weeks. We are still adjusting to no Cable TV but I can tell you that we have laughed more as a family than we have in quite some time!I have been reading "Just walk across the Room" and look forward to sharing with you some of the nuggets in my next post.

Cable TV

I never thought I would say this but we have officially disconnected our Cable TV service. The Mrs. and I have had many conversations recently about how much time we waste watching TV instead of spending quality family time together. Most people are able to moderate the time they spend watching TV, but unfortunately I am not like most people. It has gotten to be too much of an addiction and a rut that we seem to not be able to get out off. When the Mrs and I were on our weekly date last week we discussed how we are great "talkers" but never seem to act on anything.......I look forward to the extra time that we will now have in our daily schedule and the opportunity to spend more quality time as a family. I also look forward to sharing with you in the near future about what has changed in the Otis household.

Long obedience in the same direction

This was a quote by Eugene Petersen that I heard mentioned recently by my favorite Pastor, Mark Driscoll. Mark Pastors Mars Hill Church which is viewed as a Biblically conservative but Culturally liberal church. I listen to his sermon pod casts while I am working out and when I am traveling...but I digress. This quote has really been speaking to me lately as I have been struggling over some things. I tend to want changes to happen quickly and when they don't, I get frustrated and negative.The Mrs and I had a great talk last night, albeit after one of my "meltdowns" where I flew off the handle way too quickly at #1. We have been having a hard time lately with school work with #1 and I don't seem to be able to show any patience or grace to her about this. I am not sure why grace is something that I don't seem to be able to give others. One of the things that struck me during our conversation was that in relation to my struggle with control, it really centers around Fear. This isn't something that is easy to talk about or even really think about. When I look at my life, I have realized that I have a lot of fear in me. I have a hard time letting go of myself and fully trusting God. The Mrs has been telling me that until I get to the end of myself, I cannot fully trust God. I know that she is right on (even though I don't want to hear it) but for me it is much easier said than done.

Ah-ha Moment

The Mrs. and I were able to get away for one night and spend some much needed time together. We had a very relaxing time together with no real schedule, just time talking, eating and resting. I had one of those "ah-ha" moments as we were talking last night. We both realized that because of the trials and that we have been through in our 14 yrs of marriage, that we don't really know how to have fun together...Not that excited to admit that, but the reality is that we both over-think things and talk things to death. We need to do things together that are not always serious or that need to be worked on. Now that our weekly Bible Study that we were taking is over, we are going to use that weekly time to "date". I am really looking forward to this time with the Mrs. and think it is going to help us grow closer together. I have already asked the Mrs for patience as this is not something that comes natural to me and for those of you who know me, I am not the best communicator.I am now down 15 lbs and starting to see some changes in how I look. I am really glad the hard work is paying off and I know that the next 15 lbs will be much harder, but as my Dad use to always say, "keep on, keeping on".

Progress...

13 is my new favorite #. For those of you who will actually read this and are wondering what in the heck I am talking about! Six weeks ago I finally decided, based on how I looked in the mirror, that I had been lazy long enough. I have been working out 6 days/week and have changed my eating habits, which includes paying close attention to my portions. Tuesdays are my "scale" day and am very habit to report that I have lost 13 lbs!. I am not proud to admit that when I started working out, I weighed 191 lbs and if my "public education" math is correct, I am now down to 178 lbs.One of the things that has been brought to light in my life recently is that I am a "recovering stuffer". This seems to have plagued me in most of my relationships in my life. I tend to "stuff" things down instead of working on them to bring resolution. As you can imagine, this doesn't bode well in a marriage or any close relationship. What I am learning is that this has led me to placing expectations (in most cases, false expectations) on Mrs. and others close to me....I hold others to a higher standard than even I am willing to live up to. The Lord has really been placing on my heart lately the need to open up to Mrs. and others and to show them love. I am not sure why I have such a hard time opening up and sharing my true feelings....but this is not the model that I want to show my girls

Putting my toe in the water

Welcome to my first ever blog and posting! Over the last few months I have been thinking about starting a Journal and then realized that my handwriting is so bad that many times I can't even read my own writing! I have also been inspired lately by a wise friend and a fellow "blogger" who shall remain nameless. I never thought thought that this inspiration would come from someone who not only raises Bees but has also been known to wear a Scottish kilt...I have felt over the last 6 months that I am in sort of a "transition" period in my life and have realized through my own reflection and the help of "she who shall not be ignored", that there are areas of my life that I have been very selfish and have become very lazy. I am still chewing on what all this really means and what I can do to change these behaviors, in my life.More to come....Otis