"A teenage son once asked him dad what he said to bereaved families when he would go to the farmhouses after the funeral of loved ones. Surely, I thought, even my father with his close proximity to disease and death and grief would have some wisdom to impart.
'Mostly,' he answered, 'I make the coffee.'
I had some disdain for his answer then, but I honor it now. There is little to do in the face of death but make the coffee. We have no words to blunt its awfulness. It was his presence, more than anything he could say, which mattered." (Chris Hedges, "Losing Moses On The Freeway)
What a great example of what the gospel is really about. If I am being totally honest, I get so frustrated when I hear Christians respond to someone griefs (such as a death of a loved one, a job loss, a recently diagnosed disease) by saying "God is going to make you stronger", "God has a plan for you through this". Please don't misunderstand me, these are valid statements and there is truth in these words but the point is when you choose to say them. We ( I am speaking to myself, as I have done this many times) tend to forget that the most loving thing we can do outside of just being there for someone as they go through trails and pain is to simply tell them: " I am so sorry", "I love you and I'm sorry you have to go through this", "I don't know what to say.." "That sucks!". There will be time to reflect on how God is going to use this trial or grief for good or to make you stronger, but these should not be the first words out of your mouth, when someone has just shared their heart and grief with you (at least that is my opinion).
We live in a world that seems to have an unending supply of grief, sadness and loss. We also live in a world where so many Christians have lost touch with what the true meaning of The Gospel is. We get so wrapped up in the DO (do this, don't do that) we forget that what we should be focused on is what has be DONE.
I want to be a person where my presence is what truly matters, much more than what I say to loved ones, friends, coworkers. I also want my words to reflect the Gospel and not some catchy Sunday School sayings that make myself feel better or more comfortable, in the situation.
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It's a fine line to walk. There are times when I have had had to say those things because the people needed to hearing them. I think the key is how they are presented - trotted out as a trite phrase, they are another stone to be pushed off my back; offered in the sense they were originally intended, they can be a source of infinite encouragement. God knows. He cares. I need to hear and be reminded of that as much as it's a bad situation.
Oftentimes in any of the situations you discussed, the best thing we have to offer is our presence; however, we've allowed ourselves to be cast into the world's mold of help being only an action verb and being measured by what we do, instead of what we offer. If we accept the premise that we are spiritual beings, then it is not a long leap to consider that help can be offered in ways that cannot be quantified in physicality.
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