So I have been struggling for a long time or you could say that a major theme in my life is my issue of not having faith. No, I am not questioning my faith in God but rather the issue of why I tend to worry about everything instead of having faith. Although, one could argue that what kind of faith in God do I really have if instead of trusting fully in Him, I let the stress and worry about things overtake me to the point of frustration and possible many grey hairs! What makes this seem even worse is that faith seems to come much easier to Buttercup.
I tend to bottle my worries up inside until they are peculating within me and usually they get released on whomever seems to be in front of me at that moment. I was taught when I was a kid and continue to be reminded that you can only worry about what you can control and to give it all to God. Easier said than done, if you ask me! There seems to be so many examples recently where others are going through much worse things that I am but seem to exhibit a mountain more faith that I have. You don't have to look very far to see this, if you open up any newspaper or on the web, you will find another stat about a company closing their doors or laying up a large portion of their work force. I think of my dear friend Toirdhealbheach Beucail and the trial that he is going through right now, in looking for employment in such difficult times. I also think of my brother who is dealing with some very difficult relationships and the stress and worry that comes with it. Yes, there have been some changes to our home finances due to a pay cut and the slow economy hurting our compensation payout and raising two daughters, there never seems to be a lack of things that can consume my mind with worry. This includes future plans that Buttercup and I have in regards to home improvements, education, etc.
What does this have to do with a motorcycle, you may ask? I had the pleasure of going for a long ride last weekend (yes, we actually do see the sun every now and then). As I enjoyed the adrenaline that you find on a sport bike and the excitement of both taking the curves at a greater speed than you would in a car and the scenery that one finds on many of the winding, country roads in the area. I suddenly realized that being on my bike is one of the few things in my life that I don't tend to struggle with Faith. In a strange way that I can't really describe, I just have total faith when I am on my bike. Now, don't get me wrong the WA state drivers still freak me out at times but I still don't have a problem putting my faith into God's hands as I enjoy this testosterone driving activity.
I want to live a life where I can put my entire faith and being into God's hands and to be able to say "do with me as you will" with a open and generous heart. There are many signs and reminders of the things that God has done in my life but why is it that unless it smacks me in the mouth, I can't seem to remember that?
As it states in 1 Peter 3:7 that "our faith is more precious than Gold". This doesn't mean that we don't have reasons to be concerned or worried. In the previous verse it talks about grieving through our trials. I heard our Pastor describe it that we need to sometimes grieve down to the core of who we are and then rejoice in the mercies of God and what He has done for us and will continue to do for us. Grieve first for a little while, and then rejoice.
What can I do today to start building a deeper faith, one that is more valuable that anything I have or could every have within myself?
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Wow. I only had to get laid off to get mentioned in the blog...
I would guess that your "faith" engaged in riding your motorcyle is because of the fact that you are totally engaged in what you are doing. My understanding is that the tolerances for failure are much less than that for a car; ergo, you are much more conscious of where you are and what you are doing and the fact that you can do this.
What does this have to do with faith, you ask? Honestly ask yourself: When I am worrying, what am I doing? For me, it almost inevitably turns out I am not being in the moment, concentrating on what I am doing. I let my mind run ahead of the event and time I am in, running out all possibilities rather than looking at what I am doing right now.
The second thing (damning for me, anyway) is that I don't take God at His word. Yesterday in our sermon from Genesis 15:1-6, our pastor used a powerful quote: "Worry and fear are practical atheism and an affront to God." That to me makes a great deal of sense. Think about it: we claim to have placed our faith, our sole mechanism for eternal survival, on a God whom we cannot see, for an event (the cruxification) that we cannot go back to or perhaps fully understand, seeking a Master (Christ) and a Homeland (Heaven) that we have never seen. We'll do that, we'll write about it, we'll pray about it, we'll sing about it - but then, when "reality" occurs, we immediately go "God can't handle this."
I don't mean to shout - I'm mostly doing it at myself. Truly, I have to do three things every day: 1) Concentrate on today, not tomorrow, not next week; 2) Consciously relinquish things to God. I can only search for jobs so long, only send out so many resumes, only look at so many job descriptions. I have to the practice that faith every minute of every day. When I get discouraged, I have to consciously turn to God and say "God, I'm worried about this. I've done what I can. You do what's best."
3) Trust in the Lord. We take Him at His word about salvation. I have to take Him at His word about other things as well. If He says He will provide, if He says He always keeps His promises (in His good timing of course, not mine), then either He's God of All or He's a figment of my imagination that makes me feel good about the afterlife but has no other care for me. That's not the God I read of in the Bible
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